“Don’t Worry Mama. I’ve Got You.” (AKA The Power of Free Bagels.)
Rolling through Sunnyvale CA on a beautiful day in my first year of marriage, I stopped at the Walgreens on Homestead Road intending to to grab a water bottle from the refrigerator case. I was out running errands in my husband’s black Acura CL, which was a stick shift. It had been awhile since I had driven a stick shift, so I was a tad bit rusty, but managed to only stall once or twice…. To which end I was fairly proud of myself.
I parked, grabbed my purse and headed for the store. I had a spring in my step as I walked the few short yards into the automatic double doors, enjoying the sunshine, humming the Madonna song I had just heard on the radio. Minding my own business, I was almost oblivious to several employees running OUT of the store in quite a panic. “Grab it, GRAB it, Steve!” One of them yelled. I heard another one of them yell, “I’ll get the bumper!”
I did kind of wonder what all the drama was about, but I just kept on doing my thang, sticking to my agenda of water procuring. I grabbed a bottle from the refrigerated case next to the check stand, paid and turned to leave. I exited the store only to find Steve and his fellow Walgreens colleagues pushing my husband’s vehicle back up an incline and into the parking space where I had left it.
What the…..I looked at them and asked, “Can I help you guys?” I was answered by grunts and groans as they managed to maneuver the Acura into the parking space. Steve called back, “Is this your car, Miss?” I shifted my weight and bit my lip. “Uhhh, yeah,” I answered slowly as I began to put the pieces together. I had neglected to set the parking brake. The vehicle had been on a high speed free-fall, bombing towards the store. Steve reached through the window (which I had left open….) turned the wheel, set the brake and turned to face me.
My face was bright red. I stuttered, “I…OMG. I’m soooo sorry.” Steve wiped his brow with his wrist and shrugged. “No big deal, Miss. Some old lady just did the same thing last month, but we didn’t catch it in time and her car rolled right into the store. Huge mess. Took weeks to fix the place up again.”
“OH. My gosh.” I said aloud, shaking my head. “Well, I’m sorry, and thanks for helping me.” I hung my head low in shame and approached the car, wishing I could just make myself invisible and escape. “Hey”, said Steve, clearly aware of how embarrassed I was. “No problem, Miss. OK?” I looked up at him, managed a half-smile, and answered, “OK. Thanks.”
That was one of many, many times I have caused potential or real damage to someone or something in my life. To be given such grace by Steve, to be offered help and assistance and treated with kindness…. Such a gift.
A gift like the time I was flying from San Jose to Seattle with the first 4 of my kids when they were younger. We had ordered like, a ton of items at the Noah’s Bagels in the “C” terminal. After waiting in a horrifically long line, we get up to the cashier and I pull out my credit card, only to be told that their computers were down and it was cash only today. I remember rolling my eyes at the gal behind the counter and saying, “Well, don’t you think that bit of information would have been useful BEFORE people ordered food? What do you expect people to do who don’t have cash? Pull it out of our butt cheeks?” She just apologized and I stood there blankly staring at her. A man behind me said, “Don’t worry, mama. I’ve got you.” I turned around and this man was handing me two 20 dollar bills. My face flushed and my mouth went dry. I was suddenly so embarrassed. Why had I been so rude and snarky? It was like someone had lifted sunglasses off my face and light poured into my field of vision and I could see clearly. This poor cashier probably had had 50 people before me come through her horrendously long line, uncaffinated and starving. I had most likely not been the first person that day to chastise her for something beyond her control- the computers were down. She didn’t arrive at work that morning and with a maniacal laugh say “I’m going to Eff up everyone’s day today!!! I’m going to screw with the cash registers so everyone has to pay cash!!!! Ha!!! I’m so E-VIL!!” No. Take my level of irritation and multiply it by about 100 and I’d probably be in the ballpark of what she was feeling. But in my own selfish haze, I couldn’t see it. Until someone as kind as the man in line behind me helped me out. And I’m not talking he paid for just a bagel and a coffee, people. My bill was almost as high as the $40 he gave me. I still remember that scenario so vividly. “Don’t worry, mama. I’ve got you.”
Accepting help from others is so difficult sometimes. I don’t know why… other than arrogance? Pride? Ego? Life is something we cannot do alone, or a least in my experience, we (I) can’t do it alone well. There is a saying “The mind is like a ghetto…. Don’t go in there alone.” When I try and reason through something, make a life decision, try to figure out how to handle a difficult conversation these days, I usually seek counsel first and roll it around in my heart and mind for a few hours or days in prayer and meditation. It’s not that I don’t trust myself to follow my heart and the inner guidance that quietly waits for me to seek it….. It’s that I legitimately cannot see all sides of an issue sometimes. I need that yoga “third eye” or wise person to help me get perspective on a situation or a circumstance. Plus, I hear divinity in other children of God. I need to run things by people, because God has given them wisdom that I don’t have, since we are created individually.
At the end of the day, most of the time I believe only I have the answer for my problem, and the answer was there all along, hiding deep in my soul. Sometimes I need someone else to help me awaken that answer so that it can present itself to my consciousness. Just as I can’t easily what the back of my hair or my outfit looks like without a mirror, sometimes I can’t easily see all sides of an issue or a problem without assistance. At that point, I get to decide….. now that I can see all sides of my hair or my outfit, is there anything I want or need to change? Is there anything I need or want to change… about my behavior? About my dealings with other people? About my parenting? About my relationships? Any apology I need to make? Anyone I need to forgive? (Including myself.) Anything I want or need to chance about my thinking around my past, present or future? It’s up to me decide. And it’s up to me to make the changes. God…. Faith…. All that is great, necessary for me to realize that self-reliance will continue to fail me. But faith without works is dead, and I can seek God for direction but it’s the faith in action where change occurs.
Sometimes that answer is to graciously accept the help others offer and to remember that offering help blesses the helper as much as it blesses me. Ever pay for someone’s coffee in the car behind you in the Starbucks drive-thru line? I’ve found that to be a game changer. It literally has the power to change a somewhat crappy day completely around for me. It sounds totally selfish and maybe it is, but I believe that doing something for others ultimately helps me more than it helps them.
We need eachother.
“Don’t Worry, Mama. I’ve Got You.”