Practice Makes Progress

Recently I was in a conversation with a person who was asking me about a recent trip I had taken to a wellness spa. “So I saw on Facebook….” The person crooned.  “That you maybe did some equine therapy?”  I answered that yes, my husband and I had done the equine therapy at Miraval Life in Balance Wellness Spa in Arizona.  I had never tried it before, and I had heard about it from a few friends, so I decided it would be interesting to give it a whirl.

The person looked at me and cocked their head to the side.  “Ohhh.  That’s so nice.  Are you and your husband OK?”  I paused.  Confused, I said to the person, “I’m sorry, I’m not sure I’m following you?”  The person looked over the top of their glasses at me and leaned forward.  “Well, I just thought if you’re having some problems that require therapy, I just wanted to let you know that lots of people go through rough spots in their marriage.  And I’ve noticed through some of your posts and your blogs that in your past you dealt with some depression issues?” (Let me be clear that the italicized words I just used were actually whispered.) Before I could even respond, the person dumped their final quote on me like a cherry on top of a sundae.  “Well, I just want you to know, I’ll be praying for you,” in what I perceived to be an extremely condescending, belittling tone. 
 
Admittedly, I was a bit taken aback.  The hair on the back of my neck stood up for a second.  I bit my tongue and refrained from launching into a huge discourse about how first of all, Andrew and have never been stronger- we consistently put our marriage first, and it’s not perfect, but how I don’t really even believe in that word anymore (topic for another blog!) anyway.  We are connected on every level and we have learned to grow together.  We give each other the unconditional love, support, freedom, grace and space to evolve and process and change.  We are shoulder to shoulder on this journey, and I can think of no one better suited for me than him.  At this point in my life, on the cusp of 18 years of marriage, I want for nothing. That may sound complex and abstract to some, but for us it’s very simple.
 
Next I slid into mild irritation for a few seconds.  OK, that’s crap.  I was pissed. Like, duh, are you really that behind the times to attach a negative connotation to mental and emotional wellness and spirituality?  To look down on those who seek greater understanding, more peace, and expansion of love for others in their life?  Have you seriously never seen those who go through times of pain do healing work and come out the other side, emerging stronger than ever?  That the way to true healing is by getting honest and facing and treating your demons?  A total lack of realization that mental and emotional fitness and self-care are identical to physical fitness (and just as important)?  You have to continually practice to maintain what you have.  And sometimes you get stuck in old patterns, so you change it up to boost your results. I mean, it’s not freaking rocket science.  Or are you in that old school, repressed blind category with zero self-awareness who thinks you don’t have any issues and it’s everyone else who is messed up?  OH and if any potential issues arise, they will just go away if you sweep them under a rug?  And do you really still think that you can fill that hole in your soul with anything other than things that really matter in life? 
 
Then I suddenly, it was as if someone slapped a mirror up to my face.  I realized what I was doing- If the person were ill-intentioned, I was doing exactly the same thing they were.  I was judging, assuming, thinking I knew it all.  I was falling for that old temptation of giving energy to something that was causing me to diminish the flame of my inner peace.  It was as if a warning alarm was going off.  I quit lecturing this person inside my head, took a breath, gathered my tools and gained some perspective and zipped through the following chain of thoughts:  
 
A-I could be totally wrong about my perception of what was said.  Assume nothing.  I don’t know the person’s intent; I can’t read their mind.  Don’t create it and attach bullshit to it.
 
B-Even if I was correct in my perception, there is no point trying to explain or convince someone of something that they can’t see (or don’t want to see.) It’s merely a waste of time, breath, and a waste of sharing my sacred experience.  It’s like speaking a foreign language to someone who doesn’t understand and then expecting them to “get it.”
 
C-Recognize that this is another child of God, living in fear, in need of love.  (Even if they have ill intentions.  Like the bully on the school playground who makes fun of other kids to make himself feel better, stronger, more powerful.)
 
D-I can and need to have compassion, empathy and love for this person.  Even if I was correct in my perception, have I, myself  ever in my life been condescending?  Judged someone?  Had preconceived ideas about therapy and mental health?  Held contempt for something or someone, prior to investigation?  Thought I was better than someone else?  Been unable to see (much less identify) my own insecurities and character defects?  The answer to all the above questions is YES.  A million times over, YES. Most of my freaking life, YES.  Therefore, I can have empathy and understanding for this person, and wish this child of God love and light, regardless of their intentions. Their intentions don’t matter anyway.  My reaction is what matters.
 
E-I need to have compassion, empathy and love for this person, but I don’t need to let whatever energy they are exuding corrode my peace of mind.  So I can mentally zip myself up inside my “2-way protective suit”, where I can wish the person all the love, light, positivity, in the world- yet should they be attempting to contaminate me with any negative energy, it won’t be able to successfully penetrate the “suit” and damage my inner peace and my heart.
 
All of this took place in a matter of seconds, inside my crazy head…..which may not be quite so crazy anymore after all!  Maybe.  ;) Practice makes progress, I guess!
 
I opened my mouth and heard myself say out loud, with truth, love, and zero sarcasm (seriously):
 
“Thank you.  Excuse me, I gotta go.  I wish you well.”
 
Then I was able to release them to the universe, and freely resume my life with joy.